I’m normally a great sleeper (sorry to all you insomniacs out there!). I’ve gotten to the point where I get sleepy at an embarrassingly early time, at times competing with my own kids’ bedtime routines, but I need my sleep, dang it! Once I’m down, I can usually stay down for the night, a robust 6-8 hours, depending on the day’s schedule. That is, unless something wakes me (preschooler needing to go to the bathroom, preteen waking with a coughing fit, highschooler needing his middle of the night bowl of cereal fix…), at which point I’m wide awake.
And this is when the wrestling happens. Just me and my mind…Will I be able to get back to sleep? What time is it anyway? Oh gosh, if I can go back to sleep now I can get another 3 hours…. And now… sleep now….Oh shoot, did I forget to pack the preschooler’s lunch for tomorrow?
I’m sure you can probably relate. My mind suddenly floods with all the pressing concerns of the day. What had been slumbering dreams mere moments before in my mind, has now been replaced with the next day’s to-do list, grocery list, laundry list, complaint list. The icy “discussion” that was had with my husband earlier that day plays back through my mind. All the doubts and concerns, about my kids, relationships, job, finances, health, church, they’re all wrestling to take the top spot in my poor, weary mind.
And I’m tempted to want to find all the solutions to all those problems. The schedule for the week? Let’s see, if I just arrange this chore to this other time, and then ask my husband to come home a little early that day so that then I can run to the store to go pick up this thing while he gets dinner started…wait, that’s the day he has a meeting… It really can be never ending.
Yet somehow, there’s a little voice in the midst of the hubbub of my brain that tries to remind me of Phillippians 4:6-7: “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ESV
So I attempt prayer. “Lord, I’m tired.” Sometimes it’s a bit more eloquent, where I’ll praise him for his many attributes, his goodness, mercy, sovereignty, thanking him for all his blessings. I’ll try making a new list, not of the “to-do’s,” but of the “done’s.” What has God done in my life that I should be grateful for? Sometimes I bring before him the top concern of the night, and I might use many words to talk to him about it, or sometimes I can’t come up with any words at all, and all I can do is picture the thing (or person) being placed before the Lord’s throne in heaven, with my face to the ground. He knows better what needs to happen anyway.
And so when I do find myself wide awake in the middle of night now, it goes from being a wrestling match of worries, to an opportunity to get that quiet time with God that always seems so hard to find during the busyness of the day. And lo and behold, it has brought a peace which I can hardly understand, and more often than not, I end up back asleep before I even know it.