Not long ago, I saw an article about a fellow ministry family getting ready to move across the ocean to begin a new chapter in their ministry. How funny that this would show up today of all days, as we are preparing for a trip home to see my dad’s family for a reunion.
I grew up in a tight-knit family. We saw each other often, but it’s been 15 years since I have seen most of them. Children have grown up, aunts and uncles have gone to their heavenly home, and some are declining in health. Life in ministry is a two-edged sword: very rewarding as well as very much a struggle.
Maybe these thoughts are in my head after the call I received on Father’s Day weekend, that my dad had fallen down the stairs and they were on their way to the hospital. Thank you, God, for only some bruising and sore muscles. In the past I would have been able to jump in my car and help, but for the past 15 years I have been lucky to see my parents once a year. It takes a lot more to make visits now.
My own mobility is limited at times and it’s a long trip. It involves taking time off of work and traveling alone because my husband is a sole pastor and can’t just get up and take trips across the country. I also don’t like traveling in unknown weather, mostly snow and ice. Some would say these are just excuses to not visit or I don’t care enough to be there. This is so untrue. My mom is the same way so maybe it’s in the DNA.
I know my mom is having a hard time with being the caregiver. She has said so herself. She struggled with it while my grandmother was alive and now with my dad. We lived closer when my grandmother was living and would help so my parents could get some time away or bring my kids over to entertain her. I would love to be able to bear some of the burden for her and give her a break. God speaks very clearly to this in Galatians.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 ESV
We are asked to help those who are weary, tired and overwhelmed. I feel family should be the first to be there in times of trouble. I did this when my twin nieces were born and one of them was in the hospital. My mom and I took turns traveling to Illinois from Wisconsin to care for the healthier twin, even though it meant changing schedules and pushing other things aside, because helping them needed to be a priority. We chose to bear their burdens so they could focus on their sick child.
But what if you are miles away? How can you relieve some of that burden?
Now I don’t carry this burden alone, I have 3 sisters who live a lot closer to my parents and I am extremely grateful they are there. How about those days when I think I am being selfish by allowing my sisters to be caregivers? Again, life in ministry isn’t easy. The devil finds ways for us to think only about ourselves and not others. I could keep letting my sisters handle everything, so I don’t have to deal with the situation. Is that what God is referring to in Matthew?
“They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their fingers.” Matthew 23:4
God did not expect us to let others take on the difficult problems for us all the time. I know God is guiding me to think of other ways to help from a distance, but for now I think I am going to take the time to enjoy my family’s reunion and the time with my parents. I am going to keep my prayers going that someday we might be closer to each other. And I am going to give my mom the rest time she needs while I am available.