I have decision fatigue.
It feels like I’ve spent the last decade or so trying to cleverly optimize my family’s existence for the least amount of money.
Where can we
- own our own house and
- send our kids to a good school and
- not be car dependent and
- have access to nature without being in the middle of the country while
- not having a huge mortgage and accompanying giant monthly payments hanging over our heads?
It’s a lot to ask out of life, especially when you have five children and value the ability to spread out a bit. My husband and I often reflect on how blessed we are that we even get to ponder our circumstances in this way–plenty of people have very few choices about where to live. But recently, my husband’s job went remote, and the world opened up to us. We decided to move to England–a place with family ties on my husband’s side, and a place full of smaller, walkable towns that we thought would suit us well.
Sounds like a dream, I know. But oh my goodness, the decisions. Do we buy or do we rent? Do we try to live in the south, where the sun actually shines, or move to the north where it’s cheaper? Do we continue to homeschool, or do we give the public schools a shot? Does my husband keep his current American job even though it throws his sleep cycles off, or do we try to find local income?
And then, after agonizing over these questions for about a year and finally finding a suitable home, more decisions kept coming: do we prioritize saving money to fix the house up, or do we prioritize getting a car? How often should we be dropping the small fortune required to return to the States and visit family? Do I let the kids get pets? Do I pursue my hobby of painting and hope that it turns into some kind of supplemental income, or do I get a part time job?
To cap it all off, now that we’ve made it this far, my ten-year-old is finally going through that phase of culture shock where everything seems horrible and foreign. She’s constantly begging us to move back to the USA. Will she adjust? Or will we need to find a way to move back in another year or so? The thought of having to orchestrate yet another move across the ocean is painful to even consider at the moment.
I’m so tired of the Big Life Decisions. My brain needs a vacation.
I’ve repeatedly heard two things when it comes to Christian decision-making: that you should pray about it; and that the decision itself doesn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things, as God and His blessing will still be there whether you chose path A or path B. These are both true, but leave out a few important bits.
First, with prayer: as the conversation with God unfolds about such life choices, there should be a natural examination of motives. Christians are called to love God and love their neighbor, to forsake themselves and their own desires in favor of living according to God’s will, in service to others.
The first two paragraphs of this essay are a great demonstration of my sinful human condition. Was I thinking about serving the humans around me when I decided to move to England? No. No, I was not. I was thinking about my own wants, my own values, and ended up spending quite a bit of money in pursuit of them. This kind of thinking is terribly common, especially in the West, where “be true to yourself” is pretty much everyone’s motto. Lord have mercy.
Thankfully, God is good. Even though I might have made a poor decision by dragging my family halfway across the world, God still blessed it. We are forming meaningful relationships and finding purpose in our local community. My children are meeting friends at school. We are closer as a family than we’ve ever been. Not to mention the fact that in our neighborhood alone, we are surrounded by many that desperately need Jesus. For now, we stay.
This brings us to the important bit: humans rarely get it right, yet God remains faithful and works with them anyway. He isn’t thrown at all by our bad or selfish decisions, and still manages to get His will done.
If you need encouragement here, just read the story of Abraham (or, really, any of the Bible “heroes,” they’re all a mess). The amount of times Abraham makes some seriously poor decisions, especially regarding his wife, is downright baffling. But God is undeterred, unsurprised, and remains faithful. To be clear, God’s blessing doesn’t always equal health and wealth; in fact we are promised quite the opposite in John 16:33. But the blessing of God’s presence and love, of good relationships, and of peace and contentment in all circumstances–these are always there for His children.
Let’s say, though, that there’s a decision you’re struggling with, and you’re really hoping to act with some wisdom. Praying hasn’t helped, reading your Bible hasn’t helped, and talking with your spouse or parents has only muddled the issue. In these moments, there’s much to be said for getting outside counsel from a fellow Christian who knows you well. These mentoring relationships are worth their weight in gold, and they have the added benefit of being repeatedly mentioned in Scripture as beneficial. Such relationships don’t spring up on their own, though; they need to be intentionally cultivated. Ask God to reveal such a potential person to you. Maybe you already encounter them on a regular basis through a Bible study or other church group; these are fantastic places to make connections.
So, when there’s a decision to be made, pray. Pray for God to turn your heart towards the needs of others, instead of your own desires. Pray for God’s will to be done. Evaluate the bigger decisions with the counsel of other Christians if possible.
But don’t beat yourself up when you get it wrong. God meets us where we are, and works everything according to His purpose. Trust that He’s got you and your life firmly in His hands.
