Habits. Routines. Oh, how I have a love/hate relationship with those words.
You too?
For the longest time, habits and routines sounded boring and stiff. Yet, the older I’ve gotten the
more I understand why habits and routines are so key for the health of my family.
You may be like how I was, and sometimes still am, where I feel like life is happening
more to me than I am making life happen. Things pop up on my schedule that I don’t
remember putting there or don’t find fulfillment in. A month goes by and I look up going, “Wait.
Where did this month go? I wanted to do this. We wanted to go here. We didn’t get to do any
of that.”
My therapist once encouraged me that if a word was giving me negative connotation to
replace it with something else. For our family, we’ve changed the word “habits” and “routines”
to “Intentionality”. Our family wants to be intentional in our actions and obligations. We want to
make sure that the things on our calendar reflect Jesus and our values. We want to make sure
that intentional family time is a priority, not an afterthought.
Now, doesn’t that sound better? Being intentional with our time and with our actions.
If you’re me, you laughed a little. You smiled and went, “Cool, Faith. Also, I have a bunch of kids
and a bunch of commitments. This sounds like a pie in the sky.” Yes. I hear you. I am you. I see
you. Friend, creating intentionality for our family didn’t happen overnight or within the month.
This took a few years and honestly, some hard conversations and talks about what things were
nonnegotiable for us and what were things we would compromise on. Start small and watch how
your life changes. Here are a few things that we did to help us be intentional with our time.
Ask yourself/family what success looks like to you
Does success look like someone staying home? Does it look like family dinners on
Friday night? Does it look like church on Sunday with donuts after? Does it look like one
sport per child?
Start Small and Habit Stack
What is an area you’d like to work on? What’s a habit you could add to? For
example, our family wanted to add morning prayers to our habits. Yet, being two working
parents our mornings are HECTIC. So, we decided that since we are both driving to work, we’ll
pray in the car, over the phone, together.
Plan “White Space” or “Nothing”
Yes, you read that correctly. Plan for nothing. In our family, we have one night a week
and one weekend a month where we have “nothing”. It is legit on our calendar. So, when
people go, “Oh, are you free this weekend for a playdate?” I can look at my Google Calendar
and see that I do have something planned: Sabbath. Rest.
Be okay with expectations and other people’s opinions
When we started on this journey, many people scoffed at us, and still do, that being
intentional is for the birds. “Wait until they’re older.” “There are too many sporting events to do
this.” “This is unrealistic.” Friend, you and your family’s habits are just that: YOURS. No one
else’s. We know that we had to have hard conversations and be okay with being “that family”.
Some people will understand and others won’t. It’s okay!
Get yourself mentor parents. Something that has helped us so much with this is
getting mentors who are a little farther in life than us. We see their lifestyle and we see how
their children act and we go, “We want that.” So, we asked.
Whatever small ways you choose to implement, or even take away, may they bring you
closer to your family and most importantly honor Christ.
