It was mid-December, and we were in the throes of Christmas preparations. Each year I make a list of each person I want to give gifts to, plan a budget, and write out some ideas. I was studying the list, feeling completely overwhelmed that we could hardly afford gifts for our children let alone anyone else on the list. The days were counting down quickly, and it felt so hopeless. Our family was in a difficult financial situation, and this was just one more thing added to that list. The anxiety was coming over me like waves as I imagined Christmas morning with nothing under the tree.
In the darkness of this moment, I felt the Holy Spirit ask me, “Can you praise Me right now?” I was dumbfounded and just sat there as I considered the question. My ultra-convicting, brutally honest answer was, “No.” The tears came so hot and fast as I realized the weight of my response. Can my praise for the Creator really be that conditional?
In that shocking moment, I realized how much my behavior in relationship to God was tied to an expectation that He would do something for me. My husband and I were believing Him for provision for some pretty painful circumstances we were enduring, and without realizing it, my praise got tied to those yet unrealized outcomes. Somehow I started to believe and expect that God would see my obedience and reward me the way I hoped. But like a child who doesn’t get what she wanted, I withheld my adoration and praise until my prayers were answered. Unknowingly I had created distance between God and me.
Convicted and repentant, I turned off all the distractions, got down on the floor, and in the silence sat with God in my grief–the grief of unmet expectations, of our reality, of our disappointment, and of my guilt for withholding my worship. The worldly circumstances didn’t get “fixed” in that moment, but my entire world did shift. That is the power of God’s presence.
There are plenty of times when it might feel like God has forgotten us. It’s tempting to look at our circumstances and, in our disappointment, turn away from Him. But is it true that He’s forgotten? Or are we just grieving life not going the way we wanted? Thankfully our God is one who is “near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). In our hurting, we ought to resist the temptation to turn away from Him and actually turn towards God.
When life feels unbearable, like the Prodigal Son we race back to God’s presence. While we can bare our souls and be comforted (1 Peter 5:7) or seek His counsel and receive wisdom (James 1:5), an incredible antidote for a broken heart is to come to our Heavenly Father in worship, lifting up our spirit in praise (Psalm 42:11). Not only does praise please God, but also, in His infinite abundance, praising Him also strengthens our faith and trust in Him.
Praising God in the middle of our pain stakes a claim on our heart that we will not be swayed by circumstances but anchored in the Sovereign King who moves in His timing (Psalm 145). Our praise declares that though we don’t always understand, we believe that God’s character is true and worthy to be trusted (Proverbs 3:5). It shifts our minds and our hearts off of our troubles and onto the only One who can truly help us.
God is a loving Father and does give good gifts to His children (Matthew 7:11). But we don’t praise Him just because of what He does for us. And we don’t withhold our worship due to not getting what we want. We praise Him because it is the only proper response to His character and overwhelming love for us.
We know that we are welcome to Him because He sent Jesus well before we ever deserved His gift (Romans 5:8). God never waited for us to be qualified; He knew it wasn’t possible. Yet this great act of love makes it possible for us to go to Him at any time, even in our own grief. And if God never changed another thing in our lives, the gift of redemption through Christ is the ultimate fulfillment of His promises and worthy of our eternal praise.
No matter how wild life gets, whether in its highs or lows, the only solid foundation is found in God’s presence through Christ Jesus. He is our anchor, our joy, and our hope. Anything else will fall miserably short leaving us unsure and disappointed. In those moments when His timing is not ours, the only comfort we can find is God Himself. A sacrifice of praise in the wildness of life brings us back to alignment that it is God’s sovereignty and perfect timing that changes our course and renews our spirit.
That night in December, praising God felt like the hardest thing to do. Praising Him wouldn’t suddenly bring provision for our many needs; it wouldn’t ensure there would be presents under our Christmas tree. But what it did shift changed my heart forever. There in His presence I was brought back to the Father, back to the gift of Jesus, and back to hope.
One Response
Thank you for sharing your story. I found myself thinking of the hardest times in my life. Was I able to praise God in those moments or only after things were resolved? What a great reminder to praise Him in the storm!