There is a lovely little book of essays on all aspects of womanhood called A Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Somewhere in the second chapter she calls women the “eternal nourishers of society” and talks about how women constantly feel the pull to serve everyone around them: their children, spouse, parents, and wider communities. Such constant service often leaves women completely drained as they pour themselves out over and over again for those around them. How do women replenish their energy? How do they fill their pitchers to the brim once again?
According to Anne, solitude is the key: “Women need solitude in order to find again the true essence of themselves.” Through regular periods of solitude, times when a woman can be alone with her thoughts and rest from the demands of the outside world, a woman’s soul is replenished.
Anne is absolutely right, solitude and rest are necessary for all humans–a point that even secular society has picked up on with its increasing emphasis on meditation, mindfulness, and self-care.
The Types of Solitude
But these ideas of solitude, while needed and powerful and good, must be differentiated from the spiritual discipline of solitude. Solitude, from a biblical perspective, is not about you and your needs. It’s about making yourself available to God. Instead of viewing solitude as a retreat from the noisy world, it can be more helpful to see the Christian practice of solitude as running toward Jesus.
The Necessity of Solitude
We as Christians desire to be in relationship with our Lord. But where does one actually encounter God in this life? The two primary places are in community with other Christians and in solitude. Christians today seem to understand the need for church, spiritual community, and for deep relationships with other humans who love Jesus, but this idea that solitude is equally important seems to have fallen out of cultural favor. Historically, this was never the case.
Mother Theresa is quoted as saying, “We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence.” Even Jesus, who was Himself God, had regular rhythms of retreating to quiet places to be alone and pray. He would talk to God, be rejuvenated by the Spirit, and then be ready to resume His public ministry.
Community and solitude, back and forth–these are the rhythms that are critical to the Christian life. How do you develop a relationship with someone unless you have alone time with them? How do you hear them speak when the world around you is so persistently loud? Quickly it becomes clear that solitude is not simply a nice practice for monks and introverts, but one critical to any Christian wishing to grow in their faith.
The Difficulties of Solitude
Finding true quiet in today’s world can be a daunting challenge. Since the invention of the smartphone, it has become possible for someone to go literally their entire lives without being alone or experiencing silence. Notifications, podcasts, audiobooks, the news, background music, even the little games played to pass the time–these are all there waiting to happily fill any moments of silence or boredom one might otherwise have to endure. Sleep is disrupted as smartphones invade people’s beds. Why is it so hard for people to part with their devices, even for an hour or two?
Why is solitude and stillness so difficult? Perhaps because the human brain is a fairly messy place, and the human life full of trial. The frantic pace of life with all its distractions make it easy for people to push down their pain or shame or brokenness. But running away from the messiness of life will never lead to healing. Jesus is ready to transform the messy bits, and He’s waiting to offer His peace.
The Power of Solitude
It’s important not to just view solitude as some religious box to tick and then get on with your day. The practice isn’t about adding one more thing to your spiritual routine. It also isn’t meant to be transactional; “I do this so that I experience inner peace.”
What makes solitude such a powerful practice is it requires a complete letting go of any perceived control over one’s spiritual formation. Transformation, while likely occurring, is rarely felt or observed in the moment. Plenty of times of solitude might pass in boredom or fidgeting or discomfort. But the experience isn’t the point. It’s the act of routinely showing up, eliminating the distractions, and making ourselves available to God.
This regular act of surrender will lead to beautiful moments of connection and growth.
The Practice of Solitude
The great thing about solitude is that it’s more about what we don’t do. It’s being in a space completely free from inputs, however briefly. While it isn’t necessary to fill the space with conversation–silence is the goal–we should still feel free to notice the emotions that are rising to the surface and openly offer them up to the Lord. Over time, with regular practice, the mind will learn to be still, making space for us to perceive anything God might be trying to communicate.
But the point is not to have an epic or deep experience. It is just to show up, faithfully, and eliminate distraction. Solitude isn’t easy, but over time it will lead to a more joyful and vibrant life with God. Similar to exercise, the benefits will become more apparent, and the soul will feel it anytime a session is missed.
With the world constantly trying to squeeze you into its mold, solitude makes space for God, disrupting the hold those forces have over you. The end result is Christians living life more in tune with their Creator, full of love for God and their neighbor.
Tips to Get Started
- Start small. Keep your phone in another room. Aim for just a few minutes of solitude–you can add more time as you get comfortable with the practice. For many, the best time for solitude is likely first thing in the morning.
- To keep your mind from wandering, or from a flurry of hectic thoughts overtaking your brain, choose a word or phrase before you start that you can silently repeat to yourself to help you stay in the moment: “Come, Holy Spirit,” “Lord have mercy,” “Teach me Your ways,” or even just “Jesus.” The phrase or word can be whatever feels right for how you’re feeling (the Psalms can be great inspiration here if you’re unsure), and it isn’t meant to be a full prayer. It’s just to bring your focus back as needed.
- Finally, once your time of solitude is complete for the day, spend some time in reflection. What worked? What didn’t? What struggles came to light? What thoughts?
In the end, though, it’s important to remember is that there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Just show up for a few minutes every day. As with any new practice, it’s normal to initially struggle, but it gets easier with time. Stay consistent and enjoy the freedom it brings!
