The Burden Of Shame

Have you ever been in a situation where you did something—or something was done to you—that made you feel ashamed? A time that you were so hurt, embarrassed, or humiliated that you could hardly stand to look in the mirror? A time that you even thought, “If they knew _____ about me, they would never look at me the same way again”? Have you ever thought terribly negative things about yourself? “I’m a failure. I’ve made too many mistakes in my life. Maybe I’m just a mistake. I’m not worthy of being loved.” 

Dear sister, don’t live in shame! That’s a burden you weren’t meant to bear! 

Author and researcher Brené Brown defines shame as the “intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.” 

This is the great danger of shame: it creates a burden heavier than we can bear! 

I remember once feeling a deep, intense amount of shame over a situation I had very little control over—a time I was wronged on a deeply personal level—and I somehow convinced myself that it made me unworthy of anyone’s love or affection, including God’s. I had fallen for one of Satan’s most clever lies: not all things can be redeemed. Satan wove a web that I found myself trapped in. I headed down the slippery slope from guilt—“I have done something wrong”—to shame—“something is wrong with me.” In that particular situation, there was very little for me to actually feel guilt over, but I allowed those feelings of guilt to morph into unnecessary feelings of shame. Those feelings caused me to isolate myself from others. Overtime, they also made me feel isolated from God. Unfortunately, there have been many other times in my life that I’ve fallen into that particular habit of belief.  

Dear sister, don’t live in shame! That’s a burden you weren’t meant to bear!

Shame is such a helpless, crushing feeling. With guilt, we can recognize a wrong and work to make it right. We can seek counsel, repent and ask for forgiveness, and then live in the free grace of God. Feelings of shame make change seem impossible. It’s the difference between saying, “I told a lie. I should tell the truth and ask for forgiveness” and “I told a lie. I’m nothing but a liar.” It’s the difference between saying, “I yelled so loudly at my kids that I scared them. I should go to them and explain that I was tired and overwhelmed and set an example of asking for forgiveness,” and “I yelled at my kids. I’m a person who scares her children. I’m a bad mom.”

Can you see that one scenario is filled with the kind of hope that change can bring and the other places a burden not only on us but the many relationships in our lives? Shame makes us ask, “What kind of person would ever trust a liar?” or “How could my children love someone who yells at and scares them?” At its deepest, darkest place, shame makes us ask, “What kind of God could love someone like me?” Feelings of guilt are a natural consequence of wrongdoing or sin. Shame is a lie from the “father of lies” himself. 

Jesus said that Satan was a “murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” (John 8:44) Satan works over-time on God’s people to turn every situation into a catastrophe. Satan seeks only to steal, kill, and destroy, and he uses shame as a weapon to destroy God’s children. If he can make us question the mercy, grace, and love of our heavenly Father, he can make us feel isolated from any kind of love at all. 

Dear sister, don’t live in shame! That’s a burden you weren’t meant to bear!

Scripture tells us that “there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” (Romans 8:1-2) “He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” (Colossians 1:13-14)

Shame cannot keep you from the love and forgiveness of the Father. “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39) You were united to Christ’s death and resurrection in Your baptism, and His cross now bridges any divide that Satan could try to place between you and God. God sees you as His child because of the blood of His Son, and nothing you have ever done or ever had done to you will change that! 

Where there are feelings of guilt, repent and make things right. Where there are feelings of shame, recognize them as lies from the pit of hell. In all things, rejoice in who you are as a child of God. You are not perfect, but you are loved, forgiven, and called to live in His grace, not under the weight of shame.

Dear sister, don’t live in shame! That’s a burden you weren’t meant to bear!

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