Three Guiding Words During The Parenting Years

Raising another human is…overwhelming. When we brought our first child home from the hospital, we were both struck that everything was now on us. There was no nurse down the hall as a back up. “Why did they let us take her home? What were they thinking? We are not prepared for this!”

My favorite mug states it well: “Today’s goal: Keep the tiny humans alive.” It is a monumental task. It’s also the most important thing we’ll ever do. But hey, no pressure. 

I’m on the other side of the parenting looking glass now. I moved from full-time to consultant status several years ago. We raised 2 daughters and now have 4 grandkids.

I get how hard it is each day. As a stay-at-home mom, I remember well standing at the window looking for my husband to come home like the cavalry riding in and giving me some relief. I honestly don’t know how single parents or working moms do it all. They have my utmost respect. Career launching + child rearing = exhaustion. But the mantra, “Long days. Short years” rings true.

We all want to raise our kids right. I wish I could tell you that if you followed five simple steps, you would be guaranteed success. But parenting is not like a vending machine where you put the right coins in, push the right buttons and get just what you want. How will you get it all right?

Although I began as a Lutheran school teacher, now I am a professional organizer. It only makes sense that there was a certain “organization” in my parenting brain. Organization has always served me well by:

  • Giving me a sense of control over my environment
  • Setting goals that aligned with a larger overall purpose
  • Keeping me moving forward in a productive manner

I found that having a bit of structure and organization in my parenting efforts was helpful in not just enduring those “long days”, but maybe even mastering them. 

These three words helped to order our parenting years:

  • Respect for parents and others in authority. Respect for God, our Creator, Jesus, our Savior, and the Holy Spirit, our Sustainer.
  • Responsibility in all areas. From picking up toys to doing homework or chores. Responsibility towards all creatures and God’s good creation.
  • Gratitude for all the blessings, from clean socks to educational opportunities, from food on the table, to parents who provide these blessings. All gratitude, however,  stems from being thankful for Jesus’ rescuing work upon the cross and His empty grave.

Our girls knew these words well. It was an overt parenting strategy on our part. It satisfied my organized brain by giving me a sense of control over this wild ride called child rearing. It also helped me see the larger picture and made me feel like a more productive parent. Let’s unpack these words for a moment. 

Respect

They knew that when we went somewhere, they were to speak respectfully to the adults (and other children).  They were to show respect for God by participating in the church service, as their age would allow. They showed respect to us as parents by listening, obeying, helping, and we showed respect to them. We did not discipline them in public or belittle their thoughts or fears. However, eye rolling, ignoring, saying, “Whatever!” was not tolerated. 

When I think of Jesus being whipped before his crucifixion, I think about how, in His glory, he created us, and yet, in His humiliation he allowed himself to be beaten, nearly to death. It astounds me. That’s a heck of a lot more disrespect than eye-rolling. And yet he tolerated it, for us. To save us from eternal death. Shocking.

Responsibililty

They were to take responsibility by doing age appropriate chores. It could start out as simply as matching socks from the laundry and advance to taking care of pets, doing their homework,  cooking, and driving the car. If they joined something (sports, music, theatre, 4-H projects), they knew that they had to see it through. They were free to quit once their obligations had been fulfilled, but not until that time. 

We always said that it was our job to work ourselves out of a job. Our focus was to teach our children to be responsible adults that contributed to society. 

Gratitude

This was more of a mindset, not an action. Continually recognizing even the smallest of blessings, kept our dependency on God at the forefront. (I’m famous in our family for saying a prayer of thanks for green traffic lights and parking spots.) We tried to model gratitude for parents by maintaining a close relationship with their grandparents. I grew up with parents that did not project gratitude for each other, so I was very intentional in modeling gratitude for their father, for the blessing of his job, for every little thing he did, from pumping gas to building loft beds. 

Often these concepts morphed together. For instance, They were to take responsibility over their toys, picking them up at the end of the day. This also showed respect for parents, in that we didn’t have to pick up after them. By being responsible in how they played with the toys (not playing with them in a destructive manner) also showed gratitude toward God and their parents for the blessing of those toys. 

By focusing on these three words, I prayed that their life would be made a bit easier on this earthly journey. I wanted them to have Jesus constantly before their eyes – to be respectful and grateful to God and to be responsible in the “good works He has prepared in advance for us to do”. Eph. 2:10

Now our family is scattered in different states. Schedules don’t allow many times when we are all together. The days when they were all under our roof is now just a memory. (They sure went faster than I ever thought they would.) Honestly though, at the end of the day, all I need is to know is that after this life, scattered as we are, we will all be reunited in Jesus. Because nothing else matters.

Parenting is overwhelming. “What was God thinking? We are not prepared for this!” But unlike bringing them home from the hospital, it is not “all on us”. God has promised to always be with us. Let us order our thoughts and responsibly, respectfully, and gratefully, let Him lead us on this parenting journey.

“Begin as you mean to go on, and go on as you began, and let the Lord be all in all to you.” ― Charles H. Spurgeon, All of Grace

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