If I’m honest, I think the most surprising thing about watching my five children grow up is how little resemblance they actually bear to me. They look like me, and have a few of my personality quirks, but at the end of the day they are completely different people.
One example: I love nature. Nature brings me joy. Science says nature is good for you. I want my children to grow up valuing nature. On the other hand, I have two sons who are homebodies and have no desire to ever leave the house. They love Minecraft, and reading, and drawing–none of which involve the Great Outdoors.
We clash frequently.
A tipping point for me came several years ago when I read the book How to Raise a Wild Child, and became convinced that my boys were suffering from nature deficit disorder. For their own good, I decided the time had come for me to force the issue. And so, we went on hikes. We stargazed. We went camping. We observed birds. We built stuff out of wood. We got dirty. We climbed trees. I sent them to nature camps.
And let me tell you, my boys hated just about every second of it. I couldn’t understand it–how could I birth humans that were so different from me? How could our values be so off? I was at a loss, and finally decided I needed to let it go and let my boys be themselves. I stopped pushing.
Fast forward to the present day, and son #1 is into fishing and boating (two things I know next to nothing about), while son #2 is a true animal lover. The love of the natural world found them in the end, once they were free to fall in love with it on their own terms. They still prefer to be indoors, but are drawn out like magnets when either boating or small animals are involved.
So what changed?
My husband and I stopped pushing them outside, but that didn’t stop us from valuing it ourselves. As my boys grew and were repeatedly exposed to the outdoorsy culture of their parents, their own love of nature eventually seeped in.
Observing all of this in hindsight has been powerful for me. We as parents have very little actual control over who our children become. But let’s say you want to raise children to value kindness. Children who know Jesus deeply, who pray and lean on God every day. Or maybe you want to encourage creativity, have your children develop an eye for beauty, or to have a curious mind. You want your children to love books, or maybe really good food.
How can you encourage these things in a thoughtful way, without forcing it upon them?
My advice is this: you do you.
Nurture your own light, so it can shine for others. Ask yourself: what are your values? What are you passionate about? Where do you spend most of your time? What brings you joy? Once you figure out your own spark–that thing or things that you’re ready to build your life around–embody those values personally, and the rest will come. Modeling works wonders.
But let’s discuss faith for a minute.
How do you properly pass something like faith down to your children?
Christianity is so much more than just Bible fluency or verse memorization. Again, I would encourage parents to consider their own spiritual life. Do you have good habits around spiritual practices? Let your children see that your relationship with God is of great worth to you. Truly, what will really make them fall in love with Jesus is seeing you falling in love with Jesus, and the joy it brings you every day.
Do you still need to work on this area? You’re not alone! Don’t fret. God can work beauty even in the midst of our flawed parenting. And know that it will never be perfect, but rest in the assurance that God’s in control in the end.
Relax and enjoy the ride, knowing that God chose you as the best mother for your children.
