I didn’t plant flowers this year.
I always plant the flowers. In the 20+ years of home ownership, I would wait until May to plant annuals in the ground. Every year. But currently we are renting, and so I am not planting in the ground. Instead I have taken to making my little porch an oasis of flower pots. And I start planting pots in March, as soon as Lowes puts them out!
I love my porch.
But this year…I just wasn’t feeling it in March. And April.
By May I was in full-on purging mode around the house, getting rid of everything that is not necessary. Reduce the amount of stuff that “will come in handy someday”. Give things away to people who will use them more than me.
What is going on with me? I paused to contemplate this urgency…or, anxious energy I had. It is like when you just don’t feel at home…kind of like that feeling when your vacation is too long and you need your home.
I’m ready to get out of here.
We will be moving a year from now. I have known that since we sold our family home and moved to St. Louis for my husband to go to Seminary to become a pastor. Four years. It’s four years. Oh my let’s just say it was good I didn’t know it was four years when my husband brought it up and I was open to talking about it. Oh my Lord. FOUR YEARS.
Yeah, I am ready. And we have another year.
It’s June now.
My poor barren porch is now my constant reminder that my heart has moved on.
As I am left with my waiting, and God is impressing my heart, I hear Him saying, “I know. It’s good. It is how you are made to be.” God loves nesting and beautiful spaces and comfort and rest and nourishment and safety and love.
It’s okay to long to be settled. It’s okay to put down roots. It’s okay to make beautiful spaces. It’s okay to create privacy. It’s okay to have big comfy furniture to relax in. It’s okay to find peace and know comfort in your home. Our homes are love. God made us to love and be cared for in places. The Garden of Eden. The Promised Land. The womb. Our homes. Our church.
Places stir our emotions. And I know that God planned it that way. His plan is for heaven to be that ultimate place. Jesus said in John 14 that “I am going there to prepare a place for you.” He is putting some thought into it, and making it our eternal home. For our earthly homes, I believe He delights in how we prepare our homes for our loved ones, mimicking God’s creativity, care, thoughtfulness and love.
We can celebrate our homes and what we do to nest in them. And be validated for the efforts we pour into them to make them a love blanket for our loved ones. Because it is through those efforts that we are creating like the Creator, for those same reasons He started all of this…for the great love He has for us.
I celebrated this rental home once upon a 3 years ago. I threw myself into making it the one thing that made this transition more bearable for my children who were uprooted from their childhood. And it has served us well. Our home is home wherever we make it.
But this anxious energy in me is propelling me to a more settled life with deep roots.
And it’s okay.
