Journey Archives - Page 3 of 4

Detangling my Self-worth from the Flaws I Loathe in the Mirror

Even now, eleven years later, I can still remember the first time a boy pointed out a pimple on my face. We were standing in the lunch line and he mentioned it. That’s it. He just pointed it out and turned back around after I made a face at him, eyes burning with tears. To him it was a simple observation, but to me it was the soul-crushing realization that other people could see my flaws that I tried to keep far away from the daylight. That moment started a years-long battle against my skin, and even my own identity.

At first, it seemed I might just get a few pimples like some of my friends. Pimples that you’d notice, but that would go away within a few days. I reasoned

I live in two worlds: when I am dieting and when I am waiting to diet again.

A few years ago in grad school, I was taking a course that reflected on embodied theology. Embodied theology recognizes that our faith is not just a part of our life, but encompasses our entire being. This theology grows out of the recognition that when Jesus rose from the dead, He still bore the scars of His crucifixion. The professor was talking about how we will be reunited with our bodies in Heaven, and suddenly, I felt tears start to fall. He spoke up, “Allie, what are your thoughts on this?” and I replied, “but I don’t want my body in Heaven, I thought Heaven was supposed to be perfect.”

Have you ever felt this way? Burdened by a body

From Grief to Remembrance: The Decades-Long Journey to Finding Peace After Pregnancy Loss

Caitlyn Michelle…It’s been 22 years since we met the baby girl we never got to know. We never saw her smile or heard her laugh. We never got to experience the little personality emerging in toddlerhood and through the elementary years. We never got to hear about future hopes and dreams or see her life’s goals come to fruition.

She came into this world too soon, her little body not yet ready to sustain life outside the safety of my womb. Caitlyn was our first—prayed for and rejoiced over—and the loss hit hard.

I wept and cried out to the Lord. There were so

The Season In Between

I don’t know about you, but the Christmas season is exciting AND frustrating. It’s exciting to spend time with people I don’t see very often. I take paid time off from work, which allows me more time in my day to do things I like to do like take my dog to the dog park when the sun is out, going to a workout class in the middle of the day, and staying up late to finish that movie I’ve been really wanting to see.

And it’s frustrating. The lack of structure in my day makes it hard to find motivation for things I should do like go grocery shopping, clean my apartment, and maintain personal hygiene. In addition to this, since many of my friends travel for the holidays, I often have less opportunities for quality social time.

Recovering from the Burnout of Chasing it All

There I was after having received most of the things I had once dreamed about, or so I thought.

After losing my way in my early twenties, I later graduated at the top of my college class, and was working for a firm with an incredible reputation. I had a phenomenal mentor and I loved my team at work. I was motivated and career driven. I wanted to prove what I could do and who I was. No more girl from a small town in the bootheel of Missouri, I meant business.

I excelled at the firm and quickly drank the kool-aid...that is, believing this work-life balance dream was achievable. I just needed to work more first

If I Could Turn Back Time

We can’t change the past, but so many of us spend our present rewinding through those moments that didn’t go right.

We regret a decision or missed opportunity.

Sometimes it is just a regret for a decision we made. We made the decision at the time, and now we wish we would have done something different.

Years ago I got a phone call from a museum in Michigan. They had seen my vintage automobile photos online and wanted me to show them in one of their smaller galleries next to their upcoming Formula One traveling exhibition. The catch…

God is Faithful Through Your Bad Decisions

I have decision fatigue.

It feels like I’ve spent the last decade or so trying to cleverly optimize my family’s existence for the least amount of money.

Where can we own our own house and send our kids to a good school and not be car dependent and have access to nature without being in the middle of the country while not having a huge mortgage and accompanying giant monthly payments hanging over our heads?

It’s a lot to ask out of life, especially when you have five children and value the ability to

Nothing I Learned About Purity Prepared Me For Dating At 29 Years Old

I am one of those unicorn Christians who is still unmarried at 29 – I didn’t meet someone in high school, Christian college, or at camp. I listened to BarlowGirl’s vow to prolong dating, read Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and signed my purity pledge at a “True Love Waits” event.

I kept waiting for that magical moment when some young whippersnapper approached me and asked for my hand where I could I reply “No more dating, I’m just waiting” while waving my purity ring in his face, triumphantly.

Unfortunately, I never was faced with this situation, and my understanding of purity and sex

Overcoming Decision Paralysis As A Perfectionist

You are never going to make all the right decisions.

This is what I told myself as I typed the email to the director of my graduate nursing school to inform her that I was withdrawing from classes for the following semester… and the foreseeable future.

For years before this decision, I had imagined myself working in the medical field. As a junior in high school, I decided my goal was to attend medical school and one day take part in medical missions. From that time on, becoming a doctor guided all of my decisions. I studied biology with a pre-med track in college. During my freshman year, I gained early acceptance to a medical

Let’s Take Our Babies To Church

Church in early motherhood is…

…taking the whole pew because your kids will end up taking it over anyway.

…snack crumbs and loud rustlings when opening the snack bag.

…crayons. Hot wheels. Books. More books. All the toys because their little bodies want to play.

…telling your kids to whisper just for them to shout back at you, “What did you say, mama?!”

Mama, can I be honest with you?